Where I discover I'm not as vain as I thought

From bulk orders of REN's Hydra-Calm Global Protection Day Cream to eyebrow shaping, I’m as vain as the next person. Or so I thought. Until I read about the new FaceTime facelift.

Apparently Skype phone calls and video networking have made us all hyper-critical of the way we look onscreen. As you’re chatting away you suddenly notice the alarming new wrinkles round your eyes and your jowly chin. I hate looking at myself onscreen so much that I slnk lower and lower in my chair or lie through my teeth and pretend I can’t get the video to work.

But amazingly, an American plastic surgeon called Robert Sigal has devised a cosmetic procedure to make people look younger when they’re video-calling. After loads of patients told him they loathe the way they look on video he’s developed a technique that involves making incisions in the creases around the ears and “repositioning” (sounds painful) the muscle bands in the neck. Most of his clients are women aged 45 to 55 – all prepared to pay a cool $10,000 to have it done.

Like most US trends it’s sure to pop up on this side of the Atlantic some time soon. But I’ve got a cheaper and far less alarming suggestion.  Use the landline…